Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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