Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
