My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
