it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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