I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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