from now on my penis is your penis
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
