he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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