my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize