Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
