chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Boobs are out for the taking
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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