Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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