My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
