so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
