Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
