6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
