Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
