Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
