My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
