even my farts smell like vagina
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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