There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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