I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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