he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize