also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
