no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
