it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
