and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
