yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
