ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
