I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
