Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im part way to drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
