There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
