you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize