Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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