I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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