i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
