...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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