Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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