this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
