Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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