for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
