FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
