listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
