I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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