Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
