I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize