But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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