2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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