I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
