Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
