do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We left the knife in your bed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
