i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
