I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
