How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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