I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
