There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
