are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
