I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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