he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
