it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
