when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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