Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
