So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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