you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
