sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
