so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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