The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
