Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize