Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
