We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
