I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
