FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
