i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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