Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize