her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
