I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
