Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
