Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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