Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
