I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
