She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
