I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
