This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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