I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
