since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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