Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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