Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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