you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
