guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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