Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's just like the Real World with babies
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
