Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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