We're like a lot better than the average bears
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
