cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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