I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
