how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
