wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
