you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
