I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize