It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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