Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
