You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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