thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
