We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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