just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
