Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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