I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize