You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
