I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
