guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
