he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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