I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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