FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
