I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
